Blood Sucking Neighbors.

There was always a joke between MoonGoddess and I when we lived in apartments. It quickly grew out of control, as our imaginations had spewed forth and unleashed some pretty gruesome (and quite realistic) scenarios involving werewolves living in town and bursting through unsuspecting apartment dweller's balcony doors, thus mauling them to death.

Ah, Imagination.

Upon moving into the log (as this old wooden rickety trailer has been dubbed, and rightfully so), I immediately noticed something odd after having the electricity turned on and going outside during the night.

Our "Safety" light did not work. I then realized that none of the houses in the neighborhood had safety lights, thus rendering the entire neighborhood pitch black during the night.

"Oooh," I thought to myself for a moment, "This could be nice. I can look up and see the stars."

Nobody welcomed us to the neighborhood, or ever stopped in to say hello. (I've been living here almost a year and a half, and have had one person come over looking for their cat, and I don't even know what house she came from.)

I went along with my business, going to work as usual, coming home in the evening or night. Ah, the neighbors were having a BBQ, Oh, those have built a little fire and they're all outside singing. I jokingly said to the MoonGoddess "Hope the werewolves don't get them." She replied "Werewolves only eat apartment dwellers."

Oh yeah.

One day whilst being outside (I was changing the windshield wipers on the car, entirely different horror story), I took notice to just how quiet it was outside and looked around. Nothing. Nobody. Anywhere.

Come that evening, as I went outside again, Oh there they were! Fires a'blazin and singing and guitar playing, One guy playing on a motorcycle, another working on a car. How awesome, I have nocturnal neighbors...they probably have insomnia like me!

Until it hit me like a sack of bricks falling off a truck...and right into my face. We were driving home one day, and MoonGoddess said that she really kind of liked how quiet it was in the neighborhood, and I suddenly exclaimed "OUR NEIGHBORS ARE VAMPIRES!"

I cannot express the level of anxiety after that epiphany. I'd go outside at night, and there they were, jovially going about their "day". This would explain why nobody has ever come over! They can't come in unless you invite them in for a bloodbath of sheer terror and pain! And they KNEW we were hermits!

I did a great deal of ignoring my silly intuition until one night, after the MoonGoddess had moved out, I was alone and the electricity went out. It was mid summer, and I had decided to take a nap in all the quiet. I awoke in the early evening, right after sunset, and it was so hot and stuffy in the house, I decided to go outside for some fresh air.

Bad mistake.

They were ALL outside and at the neighbor's house who had fired up a giant grill. Conversation went as follows:

Guy at Grill: Hey! There you are! Wanna come over?
Me: *nervously chuckles* Uhm...what'cha making?
Guy at Grill: That depends, are you coming over?
Me: *backing back into the house* No...No thanks...

I'M TELLING YOU!!! They were going to EAT ME!

Now, I'm ok knowing that I fully believe my entire neighborhood is full of vampires. What is not ok is that I'm so sure of it, and have embraced it, that I completely forget this is not "normal" thinking. For it causes awkward conversations like this:

Me: Yeah, so I locked the keys in the car...no...no it's ok...I had MoonGoddess come over with a metal ...thing...I dunno, it slid into the door and I hit the button.
Mom: Why didn't you just ask one of your neighbors to come help?
Me: Oh it's daytime, they're not here.
Mom: Oh, all at work?
Me: No, they're vampires. If I had locked the keys in the car tonight, it probably would have been ok, but no they're all asleep right now.
Mom: ....Ok? ....Uhm...I love you...I will talk to you later...bye...

It was that moment I could hear the absolute heartbreak in my mother's voice and knew the thoughts going through her head Dear Lord above, I love this child of mine, but how do I break it to my own child...how do I tell the others??? How do I tell them my child has completely lost their mind!!

It's almost a game now for me, but the novelty is wearing off a bit. The first few times after that conversation, I'd bring up the vampire neighbors to my mom "Yeah, the vampires were outside having a bonfire. The guy with the long hair? He's really good at guitar!" She'd nervously laugh and change subjects.

Now when she calls it's in a sing songy voice "So hooow are the vaaaampires??"

Oh god, they're going to eat me and nobody will know WHY! My mother will be weeping "I should have listened!! I was told!! I was told there were vampires!!"

And they'll probably cart her off! Oh NO! What have I done!?

Ok, It's 2AM. Maybe one is waltzing around out there, it has warmed up quite a bit, I'm sure they'll be out and enjoying the weather as well. I should go ask if there's some vampire/normal neighbor amnesty that they uphold or something. Or heck, maybe I shouldn't? I'm an insomniac, they probably just assume I'm a loner vampire.

God, all the hard decisions in life!