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I was mostly complaining about the sheer idiocy that the smallest amount of snow brings out in Southerners and compared our weaker state mentality to those who lived in in snow riddled states.
This year took an unexpected turn, as a few days before Christmas, the weatherman laid this bombshell down upon us all:
Cue me going into straight up panic mode, as I awaited the absolute apocalypse that would come about from the people bum rushing the store for food.
There was only one problem...
Nobody believed him.
So nobody freaked out...whatever, there wasn't going to be snow...and if there was, the shock value of this "OMG SNOW Y'ALL!" had finally worn off after decades of hearing it and realizing this shit just does NOT happen here.
Then came Christmas day.
It was pouring down rain as I made it to my Mamaw's house for food. Then the entire family showed up. We had just finished eating, when I stepped outside with my mom, only to hear her say "OH!..."
We went back inside with the news, everyone gathered at the windows...OOOing and Awwwing at the "White Christmas". Giggles were had and "It's so pretty!" and gathering the children around the windows to see snow for the first time.
I then made a slight observation:
This did not sit well with Mamaw, who quickly showed us what happens in these situations
We all quickly loaded into our vehicles...where we hit snag #1. Power was already out at my sister's house. I still had power so she came to my house. We cut up and joked about the 'great snow storm' and pissed about on the internet...like you do.
A few hours later, she received a text from our mom that said "IT LOOKS LIKE A BLIZZARD OUTSIDE!" We chuckled amongst ourselves "Oh, mom is just so adorable" and went about our business. A little while later we got another one "DO YOU SEE IT??"
To humor our mom, we went to my front door to look out, just to send back that yes we saw it...
Holy SHIT! There was snow EVERYWHERE!
And not like a dusting of it...NINE INCHES OF IT! My sister was now stuck in my house with me, along with her three children. My house is the equivalent size of a can of soup, they would have been more comfortable and had more room if they had decided to spend the night in a box of matches.
So now there are three very bored children, who want to play with their new Christmas toys, and are now stuck in a living room with just enough space that if one stopped too suddenly, there'd be an accidental mosh pit started.
It did not go so well. Add on top of that, we don't really have any winter provisions for snow like this, so the roads got nasty and quick. I stupidly thought it'd be melted by the next morning because hell it was 70 degrees the day before!
Oh no, there was actually MORE of it on the ground! I stood on my porch babbling like a mad man "What the hell is this?? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?! NO!! NO!! NOOOOOO!!!"
I don't like snow! I said in the last blog post if I wanted to be covered in snow, I would have moved to Colorado when I had the chance in 2007! This wasn't going to end well either! Here I am, surrounded by Southerners, who were now trying to gas their junk ass cars up an ice covered hill by my house...swerving back and forth and sliding.
I needed help!
OH GOD! The Raddie was in Puerto Rico for the holidays! I can't get snow advice at all!!!
I can't even get the most effective way to kill these annoying bastards and HIDE them in the snow!!
This was bad, this was really bad. Why? Because this is THE SOUTH, THAT'S WHY!!!
I can see it now, once it clears up...a mob surrounding the weatherman for actually being right. Dude can't catch a break here.
I can almost hear him shrieking "I ACTUALLY PREDICTED SNOW!! FUCK ME, RIGHT?!"
But then again, these people are set in their old ways...I can see him being accused of witchcraft and being tossed into an incinerator for his ungodly ways of reading the skies.
I've missed so much work now...I'm not even planning on a paycheck. Today though...TODAY!! The roads cleared up a bit to the point I knew I'd make it to work tomorrow! But then...
......
