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All summer long, I hear about how "hot" it is, and "oh god, the HUMIDITY!!" and this is always followed by the biggest LIE in the history of the South "Man I wish it would just be winter, I want SNOW!"
The truth is, they don't want snow, they're terrified of snow. All Summer they pray to the snow god to visit and when there's a flurry suddenly drifting towards Earth, they freak out harder than Chris Angel's unsuspecting audiences on Mind Freak.
I am amazed by it. In fact, we got a slight dusting of snow two days ago. I literally fell to my knees and yelled "NOOOO" in the middle of work, because I KNEW what was about to happen:
1. Panic
2. Hoarding
3. EVERYONE needing to leave work before "The Roads get BAD!"
IT.WAS.FLURRIES!
Let me paint a perspective using two states...my state:
And then we'll compare it to a state that is no stranger to snow...
There's an entirely different mindset when these two states see the first snowflake.
Raddies:
Arkabillies:
I'm not saying there's anything WRONG with having a little fear with snow; it can cause power outages and all sorts of nasty stuff.
But with FLURRIES and you have rednecks acting like if it touches their VEHICLE that the apocalypse of fire and carnage will rain down upon them...and then they swerve off the slightly wet road into the trees...you have a problem.
Let's look at snapshots of the normal snow day here...
Here we have an Arkabilly who is so distraught over the absolutely non-existent snow outside (and to a worse extent the local news just PLAYING it up) that he has decided to end himself rather than deal with the end of days.
And here, we have an average snow day for a Raddie:
Everyone asks me "WHY do you hate snow, SO MUCH!!"
I don't hate snow! I hate snow here!!! It's gotten to the point, that if one more Arkabilly shrieks at me "Have you prepared for the coming snow storm??"
...I swear to God, I'm going to taser them. I will search the internet until I find one SO illegal that it has to have some whimsical name and description, that you won't feel so bad about electrocuting the piss out of them.
^ That should do it.
They will either quickly learn of my Southern snow hating wrath, or they'll die and not have to worry about the "Snowpocalypse"
I'm serious...our local news channel on Facebook has an album dedicated to the day before yesterday called "The December Snow Event" and wants people to send in photos of "The Event"...they're first...
Don't WORRY, I'll give at least ONE verbal warning before I turn your skull into a disco ball...if you don't heed the warning though...
I mean...I know it'll never happen...so for the rest of Winter, if you see a miniature human in a store during a "snow event" who has thoughts of tasering the customer he's trying to help...be gentle, just know he's fed up with it.
If I wanted to deal with people freaking out with apocalyptic amounts of snow...I would have MOVED to Colorado in 2007 when I had the chance, or I'd still be living in Virgina.
AT LEAST THEN when the snow was said to be coming, you knew you were going to sleep that night with a house and waking up in a snow drift.
...I need to get out of this state...
